Dhamma investigation, Moscow, Russia, Sharing

Personal Plane

right now i feel a bit lightheaded. lighthearted, too.

i am pretty sure i come back as a different person. i feel like a different person already. so many hugs those last days. so much appreciation and gratitude.

this very experience of me as a ‘leaving person’ also forms me and if it’s just because every experience is changing who i am. taking that as a starting point, i guess i am prone to be someone else over there than i am around here. it starts with language games and ends with shakespeare. we are players, and we play our roles impeccably.

trouble starts when i am with one of my homies and find out there’s this image i have presented over all these years. grappling with it, letting it be, still the image hangs on in other people’s minds. or they keep hanging on to it. same same.

whatever i do, it’s interpreted along the lines of what i represent. and this is different for whomever i meet. as it is seemingly impossible to meet someone you know as if you have never met him before – fresh every single time – i guess i have to cope with misunderstandings, with being not seen, not heard, not recognised the way i’d like to be.

well, i suppose that in the end it doesn’t matter if i am seen the way i’d like to be seen. what really counts is if i can allow and feel the pain of being misjudged, misinterpreted, misunderstood by the ones i love. what counts is if i am able to stand the pain of having my sense of self questioned. and maybe it’s perfect that way.

there we go.
the cure for the pain is right there, in the pain.


2 thoughts on “Personal Plane

  1. Phil says:

    let’s remember being everything and everywhere, embedded in a larger context, without – or at a glimpse even – realising the whole sense and nonsense of it!

    If we are amidst anomymous unpredictable crowds of foreign people in airports, public transport or cities…, let’s find an anchor of awareness in and thus around us!

    We breathe together – you may think – but I let go of thinking to know your thoughts 🙂

    Being radicated home or out there we can relax into an immediate network of relations, constructive actions and reflections upon what makes sense for us right now…

    Let’s care for us as well as for fellow humans, animals, or plants!

    And in the reflections of our thought patterns there in the body and sourroundings the masks we may leave, if their helpless calling towards the integrity of the whole is again internalised, and if in the last consequence of seperative thinking the persona-pains may have obliged to thinking and behaving differently than the previous mask thought to need in the egos struggle for survival…

    A main mask we may want to understand, accept and transcend is the one our father represented to us, in order to start towards the development of the male we ought to be…

    And for liberating from the co-dependency of fixed roles of child and mother, we may comunicate to our mother that we are caring for her, if she needs us, and (but!) in the way it is right.

    Inspired by a heap of this afternoon’s books in a store, your words and some intuitions – apropriate or not, be it the way it shall be … 😉


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