To serve you today’s day in a nutshell: it was quite a long day that was over real quick.
I get up early and care for an austrian friend who has fallen sick over night. i bring him water. can’t tell him to stop being such a faker à la “shut up, soldier, take a salt tablet and move ya ass!” cuz that’s an insider. so I just hand an isotonic brause tablet to him. i tell him it’s perfectly alright for me to walk alone. and ‘no, of course i won’t be böse. stop being sorry. get well soon compay. and as soon as you are, get the hell out of bangkok.’
we had played pool last evening. we been a beatific bunch, a boombastic yinyang mix featuring Vienna, Salzburg, Canberra, Quebec and Tampa. sharing ideas on a hundred topics. playing jenga. and laughing all the way. magic moments like these… that’s when i know why i do such trips.
somewhere in the middle of that evening i said I’d like to go to Ayutthaya the next day. soon-to-be-super-sick mario wanted to join cuz he had already spent about a week in bangkok and he was probably getting the fear or anyway, i could see clearly that the humid heat and the cheap food was getting to him. and this morning, he is not able to move out of bed. wants to stay for another day to see if he gets better and he trusts the hospitals in bangkok more than those in the outskirts.
so I grab my bag, i leave the guesthouse near Santichaiprakan Park and turn to the streets. get on bus no. 53. pay 7baht. get on the train. 15baht. first through the city and then about 80km by a northbound train for €0.5. I like it.
I watch a child is about to throw an empty plastic bag out of the window. Her mother sits opposite in the train going from Bangkok to Ayutthaya. she watches her and lets her do it.
And whether I like it or not, there are things happening all around. with and without my witnessing it. and of course i could prevent some things. and yes, sometimes it’d be a hassle. and sometimes it’s only an invitation to ask myself: who am I to judge? this is good, this is bad, according to my likes and dislikes? what’s more, it becomes so crystal clear how I am anxious about others judging me, e.g. how I behave in temples, if I donate or not, and if yes how much, do they look at me as a farang, what they are talking about and if that smile they wear is fake or not.
it is not done away with by telling myself or being told by anyone: ‘stop thinking so much and enjoy life!’ it’s like telling someone to stop seeing or hearing. and to start being one with everything. or to put life into some similar abstraction: start loving! come on, you have to believe is all! it’s all a call for penn&teller.
out of all these reflections springs a thought. It even seems as if it has been prepared by them all along. that cloud is vague, yet has sharp edges. it tells me what i need to be reminded of: the one and only thing I have some control over is the decision to act upon my impulses or not. when I am intoxicated, infatuated or simply distracted, I negate liability, deny responsibility even for this part. but everything else is utterly beyond my control. even if this is not true in any case, it is practical to think that way because it calms the mind down. and the next step, try to extrapolate it. imagine a world where nobody gives a fuck about other people’s deeds – “i just let them karma out their lives for themselves, i don’t try to take that away from them cuz i simply can’t, it makes matters so much more complicated!” – and at the same time actually giving a fuck about one’s own actions, and put attention to intention – “if help is needed and appreciated alright, i help, but i remember not to expect anything in return for my favours… lest they are no favours!”
well, let’s start that exercise, say, for one day per week?! whaddayasay?
As a curious and inquisitive mind usually finds more questions than answers (thank you for hammering that point home, anna) there can be no end to philosophical investigation. i gotta admit that in the last years i have come to be more of a sophistic know-it-all than a philosophical investigator. it hurts. truth always does.
It feels good that at the end of the day, after 20km of cycling, there is a furry friend waiting for me. It is none other than the revered lady of Bast who welcomes me in my humble domicile, purring incessantly and aiding me thus falling into a delightful slumber.
If you want to see more photos of my trip in Ayutthaya you find them here.