Not that I am invulnerable. Not that I can’t get hurt. It’s just… I am so confident that nothing really bad can happen to me. So confident I am guided by a physical well-being that helps me refrain from intoxicating this precious gift. I feel protected by way of an inner peace that results from letting go what has been in the past and letting come what is there to come in the future.
Both past and future are thoughts happening in the present. Nothing more. It’s just thoughts arising here and now – and passing away. Some are more persistent than others but only insofar as I keep feeding them. Like a dog that comes to my house one day and begs for food. I give him some leftovers. The next day he arrives again. Doing what a dog does best. I prepare something for him. Same same next day. After a week it’s MY dog. Similar pattern with what goes on in my mind.
Most of us think that we think what we wanna think. When we find out there is nothing but thoughts overlaying clear perception on what is actually happening, then we catch a glimpse of truth, a taste of Nibbāna right there!
Life is so wonderful. Full of wonders. Of course I had troubles, yes, even cravings for nonexistence during the retreat at Wat Now Tahm, I mean Wat Kow Tahm. It was intense! As I said before, there is no space for halfheartedness on this island. And things naturally come up during a retreat like this. I have witnessed, though, that every time after I hit bottom I rise like a phoenix out of ashes. Like a goddamn phoenix mate. Soar up and feel liberated. Reminiscent of the legend of Icarus, I remind myself that this too shall pass. Do not get attached to states of mind, Hakeem. Take it easy. Nice and slow.
If sickness comes, it will manifest in physical sensations. Let it come. I can deal with it. If a tooth falls out, there will be blood. It will not bleed forever. If I am to die what me worry. Death is the natural result of having been born. That’s not pessimistic. It’s not speaking of the proverbial (d)evil. It is what I call realism. Being in touch with reality. I am a vegetarian, alright (I felt liberated as soon as i dropped the label ‘vegan’ for my persona) but still, a meat-puppet is what I am.
Well that’s just my opinion man.